why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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