why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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