he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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