Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
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Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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