He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
