I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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