You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
