Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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