Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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