I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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