Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize