I seem to have left my pride at pride
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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