Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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