i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
