What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
