I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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