I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
