my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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