she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Sober January is a disaster.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
