worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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