wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there