Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (+44): View more from England

  if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed

  (+44): View more from England

  keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed (+44): keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction http://tfl.nu/lbnu
  Replies (18) Good night (4672) Bad night (642)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this. http://tfl.nu/41n8
  Replies (55) Good night (1319) Bad night (5208)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together. http://tfl.nu/59bc
  Replies (14) Good night (936) Bad night (4113)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked. http://tfl.nu/sxfw
  Replies (15) Good night (6166) Bad night (2058)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal http://tfl.nu/dg00
  Replies (10) Good night (3568) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night. http://tfl.nu/bkam
  Replies (7) Good night (2115) Bad night (979)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often... http://tfl.nu/m3tb
  Replies (4) Good night (2052) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace. http://tfl.nu/5hw2
  Replies (12) Good night (1082) Bad night (2045)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here http://tfl.nu/0vaz
  Replies (9) Good night (701) Bad night (1486)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/2s7h
  Replies (9) Good night (1592) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night. http://tfl.nu/mvnj
  Replies (2) Good night (893) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday. http://tfl.nu/n5bk
  Replies (3) Good night (471) Bad night (744)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning. http://tfl.nu/jk8r
  Replies (1) Good night (524) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list. http://tfl.nu/qsv4
  Replies (1) Good night (557) Bad night (301)
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  I put a zucchini in my pussy for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): I put a zucchini in my pussy for you http://tfl.nu/c2jl
  Replies (8) Good night (456) Bad night (588)

Randomize