I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Randomize
