I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.