PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
