quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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