i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
