My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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