sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
