I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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