honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
