Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
