The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
