Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You left your phone here
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