why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
