I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
