Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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