i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
