I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
