farters have to be the big spoon...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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