Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
