I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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