I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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