all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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