I hope my margaritas pass through security.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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