if i can run in heels then i can drive
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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