Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
