What a fucking waste of an outfit
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
