Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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