this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
