I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
my liver is dry heaving
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
