Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Randomize
