remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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