Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
