Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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