I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
