There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
