All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
