Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
