The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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