In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
