the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
