I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
