in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
