so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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