Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Did you just see the Batmobile???
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
