Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
