Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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